Updates from Crystal DuShane

Did you know Heal your Body: Mental Causes for Physical Illness and the Metaphysical way to overcome them. By Author Louise Hay, was one of the first pivot points in my Shift to small changes in my lifestyle.   I bought it in 2003 at a lil quirky shop The Purple Avocado with a Purple door in Carson city, NV   I don't do diets, rigorous exercise programs and regimens, they don't work for me and I knew I needed a change.  What I was doing up until then wasn't working for me.

I had an amazing experience with an awesome Massage and Physical therapist, I don't recall their name, I'm better with energy than names, right before finding this book.  They helped me feel more confident in finding alternatives to what I had been doing up until then.

My body from overwork & overwhelm not taking time to pause & listen to my own self care first, this is getting better and the struggle is real, Up until now.  Listening to all the Internal & External Negative talk and being a part of it at times too.   That Going, going, going, pushing, telling, forcing and shoving through til my body would crash on me.   That time I was looking at surgery on both wrists with a 50% chance of pain relief on top of the rest of my out of control life. Lol  That didn't feel right for me. 

So I Postponed and started researching, stories of success, talking & listening to people that had overcome the physical & mental health challenges of life and found solutions for better lives even with the Woes of life.💜💜💜

If I gave up every time I was knocked down or told I couldn't do it, I wouldn't be where & who I am today.   For that I am proud even in the contrast of life, I know my journey and how far I've come.  For this, I'm thankful 💜💜💜

We always have the opportunity to Begin each Day a New.  We are always more than, We are worthy and We are not less than because of it.

I still have that lil pocketbook today, dog eared and torn pages from carrying it with me so long and I refer back to it often, whenever my body speaks.  Whenever something pops up and now I add other tools to support and enhance the practice even more as well, it's still my Go To.  

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I'm thankful for lil treasures like these on my path & Journey to figure out more of what I can do, what is possible and what are the next steps that are right for me.  I share these in hopes it can help someone that says "Hey that's me too", find their Best path for their own Recovery & Wellness Journey.  

It may look different than mine and that's okay.  Thank you for being here, being open, being vulnerable, being raw, being real, being honest and being willing to Shift and Change the things in you that no longer serve your Best life.    

Even if my vibe isn't right for you, that's okay today.  Find your Best Vibe Tribe,  partners in believing and Soar to your Best Life.  Find Your Best solutions for You, that's what life's about.

And let's meet and gather to share our Stories of overcoming, belonging, vibrancy of life, Dreams and endeavors, drumming circles, Fun & Games, Dancing, Hiking, raising each other up, listening to each other, seeing each other where we are right now, here today.

This is where I started and today...I am where I am.  This week's design was created in honor of my past and all it took to get here.  I love you all and I'm thankful for all of you and the Lessons and Blessings a long the way.

This was created as to be honest, Yep this is me.  I am in a healing process and I do my best to stay centered and in my Woosah Zone.   And at times I am triggered, the Hood in me will always be in me.   It's the survival part of me that got me here and this far. 

 The Good in me is the one I choose to Feed the Positive things and healing the past triggers & traumas for Mind, Body and Spirit Wellness.  It's a process for sure, the more I heal the more I reveal and heal today.  For that I am thankful and Grateful.   This Design is a Fun Sassy Inspirational way for me to Recognize Who I am today, while honoring who got me here and where I can be again, but for Grace.  

Most of my life up until 3 years ago, when I found a loving open community Who Believed in me as much as I Believe in our Entire Family.  I could finally feel safe being my open vulnerable self and I could finally start exploring and sharing it with myself first and my family.

I’m not Ready to Share in person with Everyone, I am still Fragile at times and I honor that Part of me today, with Love & Grace.  I used to try and Kill that part of me, so I could Show up & Deal with the Hurt world around.  

Today I and We Stay in our Sanctuary for the most part where we feel Safe, Protected, Grounded and held free to Be ourselves without the Ridicule & Judgement of other hurt people,I know it’s meant with Love, I was there and I do it too, up until Now.   That was Then, This is Now

So today If I or lil Fam take a Pause, Decline an Invitation or ask for help to be able to show up, it’s because I’m not Strong enough in that moment to show up with Love, Grace & Compassion Space. Be Patient please & thanks. Even and Especially Strong people could use some help and hugs at times too.  We didn’t get Strong the Easy Way, Most of us Strong people got there by being drug through the mud, Crushed and Severed by some that meant it with Love and Fun, We all do.  We just do it in the Freaking clumsy Earth Suits that we wear.  It’s not always Graceful, we fluff it up at times.  And if I/We ask for help we need it, we don’t understand how at that time alone and need help navigating it.   Please show up in Love, Compassion and Grace, rather than the Neener Neener Space.  Cause Ouch that Hurts and I Crawl back in my Shell to protect myself.   

I no longer Desire to Be...O Crazy Crystal, She went off again.  If I went off it’s because my balloon got filled with all the Negative Outside Crap again (It happens to our kids and other hurt people too).   

Damn it I’m back to the Drawing board, the deep dark hole to climb out of again, Clearing, Releasing and Forgiving all the Negative Self Talk.  That was Then, This is Now.

Thankfully each time it happened, the hole got filled up a lil more with Faith, Self love, Beautiful Truthful, open People while knowing it’s all for a Good Reason and it always works out, for the Best, I am more than that, we all are.  Pause, Breathe, fill our Cups as needed and let’s Show ourselves and others the Love, Grace, Compassion & Safe Space to Be our own Beautiful Selves, even if we don’t understand or agree.  We can with Kindness and Guidance Rather than Ridicule and Shame.

I don’t know about anyone else but me for me and our lil family that Feels So Much Better.  So if I & We don’t Show up, I / We Love you and We’re not there yet.  It hurts me Deep in my soul to observe and be a part of seeing the worst in people, tearing each other down instead of Seeing the Best, and I have Played my part, up until now.

That was Then, This is Now.

I apologize for any the harm that I may have caused knowingly and unknowingly, up until now.  Thank you, I Love you, My Bad, Our Bad, I Forgive We and Let it Be.   Give me time, I’m not there yet.

How do I keep moving forward when I feel like I Fluffed up so many times and so many things.   I do my best for me and my family each and every day to be my best self.  I’m not perfect by any means, in fact I’ve been a hot mess most my life let’s keep it real.  And We are always more...

I needed to take a Step back and take a pause to realign with myself as, No matter how much work and Woosah I do there’s always more to love and grow through.  Even when I do all the things Right, call in ancestors, meditate, Woosah in a Bottle, I’m Human and make mistakes, we all are.   I’m a Work in progress. There's no pill or quick fix, to heal, it’s a process, Change Begins in Me, I’m not perfect.

When I ask for help which for me is New and was the hardest thing for me to do, up until now.   In the past it hadn’t been well received or given, way too much bickering and judgement rather than love, kindness and grace and I did it too.  

I had to retreat and Pause to Begin to heal and reveal myself for me.  I know on FB & Social media I talk about the Positives and some of the work.  It takes a lot for some of us to change & shift all the Negative thoughts & Belief patterns and Self Talk.   Why I don’t go out or Bring my family out to many places is because I’m not there yet.  Some may not understand and that’s okay, I didn’t either. 

To Break Cycles of Negative Self Talk we had to stop speaking ill will to, towards or about each other in our home and most importantly ourselves, I’m perfectly Imperfect, we all are.  When we began removing the important toxic chemicals in our life, it began the next steps of shifting other toxic areas of my life. 

It’s been a lot of work to get here and today it’s important to keep my inner peace, even if some may not agree, it’s okay. Thank you, I have more to Heal in me.  I can be Sensitive and pick up Negativity at times even with a Hazmat suit, Jazz and Tam do too.   We feel it and hear it in the tones & vibrations and notice it in us at times too, the passive aggressive, snide, hurtful, harmful and way harsh comments, speaking death rather than life and We can say them at times too, up until now as we are getting better & better at noticing.  

And let’s get Really Real I when the straw breaks it unlocks and unleashes a Raging Beast and all the Shame, guilt, Feeling Broken, Worthless, Good for nothing except what you Do, just a Mean Person trying to harm & hurt everyone around you, your crazy, why do you even live, your nothing, nobody loves or even likes you, you should die, you should do everyone a favor and off yourself, Jazz & Tam and your fam would be better off without you and all the Not Enoughs, the Darkness Creeps back in. 

So NO, I and my family do our best to speak more love & life about each other and our lives.  If we do have Big Emotions and Feelings we take a pause to Shift it.  We are Worth more than continuing the cycles of Harm & Hurt.  

We ALL are, we need to honor ourselves and our worth as Humans, Kind Humans, a lil more, starting with ourselves and including Me.  We Love everyone we meet with Good Vibes, because of My survival mode and my past experiences. I still protect my instincts on some things, I’m clearing them one by one.    

I too many times have shown up to family chosen and blood gatherings to DO the Right Thing, Show up for Family, it’s the Right thing, Family is Everything, Oh get over yourself, you’re too much, O Crystal it’s not that bad, you’re just being a Drama Queen and all the things I’ve heard, said and been at times.  

So I show up, with my tools for me, feeling uneasy yet good about it, semi hopeful, sometimes even asking for help and sometimes forgetting to shift my mindset first to make sure I forgive myself and others first, before I show up.   And Rather than loving open welcoming arms, I/We are yet again met with harms & hurts, under-breath comments, passive aggressive sarcastic remarks, jabs, pokes, prods because we still haven’t revealed or healed past hurts.  Some may think it’s funny and I kinda did too at a time.   Now I say Ouch, Ouch, Ouch to the best of my abilities at the time.  

Each Day I do my Best, I’m far from perfect, everyday is anew to do Better.  I do my best everyday to speak, hear  and feel Love for myself and Family.  There are Positive messages all over my house, phone, on my pc’s for a Reason. 

Have you Fluffed up so many times you feel unworthy, unloved, disconnected and alone?  Sometimes so much is going right and yet still all those things and feeling angry, Not good enough, don’t know where to turn.  You may have beautiful loved ones in your life that just don’t know how to support or help.  And when they or we do, it’s clumsy or even worse causes harm and you may too.

Even though they and we mean it with Love it shows up as Fear, Judgement, Ridicule and Not Good Enoughs.  Btw the way our kids pick up that stuff too, in fact you may be even more like me and you’ve struggled with this since Middle School or earlier.  You may have at times now or in the past had suicidal thoughts and tendencies, depression or even attempts, you're not alone.   I’ve been there too many times.

In fact I wanted to end the pain and hurt, the feelings of worthlessness, failure, not good enough, damaged goods, not worthy of Life, Happiness & Abundance.  The only thing your good at is service to others, doing what you're told not what you want, you only matter if you do the right things, Do, Do, Do, Put on a happy Face, Smile, Don’t show your emotions, don’t let anyone in, don’t trust anyone, they’re only out to get you, Fear, Anger, Rage, Belittling, Don’t Do that, You can’t do that, you’ll be in pain, the rest of your life will be full of pain inflammation and Dis-Ease, getting worse and worse over the years.

And the progression for me began around Middle School the Age my Daughter is now, my Dream Come True and a Big hint, She’s the Why behind my investing and deep diving into My Personal Development, Parenting classes, books while Healing me, Change Begins in Me.

By the time I hit Middle School to say my balloon was Full, ever expanding and leaking out on Everyone I love, would be an understatement.  Btw, Side note, SoulShoppe out of Oakland it's a Workshop given at the Schools and where I learned the balloon reference.  Kids and Adults don’t come with owner manuals, we are all doing the best we can and thankful for better outside resources today.

My suicidal thoughts, self harm and escapism began slowly and continued from then up until now this past Monday, June 7th, 2021, cause yet again I am human and make mistakes, I fluff up, we all do on Shitake.  Thankful for the people, resources and tools I have in my life today as those thoughts are very few these days and if they come, they are fleeting thoughts today that are Released with Love, Compassion, Kindness, Grace and Forgiveness.  Forgiveness & Gratitude have been keys for me.

The Self harm manifested in so many ways from fighting & lashing out to drugs and alcohol, overworking & overdoing for others, showing up in obligation rather than invitation, acting like a martyr, a know it all, the neener neener my whatever is better, talking shitake, hoarding and buying to fill the voids & pains, overstimulating, understimulating, pills, Dr’s, Dis-Ease, Inflammation, Ridicule & Judgement of self and others.

I’ve attempted and done so many things from my youth on, even getting so drunk when I was a new mom, I hoped & prayed I would run into the hill or off the cliff so Jazz could have a better life without me in it.  

I thankfully and gratefully have had many beautiful human angels that sometimes gracefully or clumsily (and I too) and a higher power of my belief that I know today why it wasn’t meant to be.

Many may scoff at why I didn’t seek out more help and Dr’s.  Oh I have from my Grandma when I was younger and throughout life, so many ways and times I’ve reached out.  It makes my head spin and whirl from the experiences and Blessed by the Lessons, Thankful and Grateful today.

The Bottom line is I needed to truly learn How to Shift my own Shitake, even when others do harm, they and I really don’t mean to, sometimes we're just clumsy and ungraceful at it.   Thankfully I have beautiful kids in my life so I can observe, learn and grow for me and hopefully for them too.  Change Begins in Me.   

In the next 2 parts, I’ll share a little more of what I’ve had to do for me and my family, so we could find more Inner Peace and Happiness, the Things in Life that are Priceless to us.   

Thank you so much for Reading and if you’d love more support, check out my Free Private Facebook Group Hardcore & Heart Centered Caretaker Souls, where we support each other in being our best selves.  Encouraging, Empowering while honoring Pauses as needed to make shifts for our own alignment and divine timing.

I’m also in the midst of revamping my low budget course on How to Shift your Shitake, Cause that’s the bottom line, I’d love to help guide & coach you on your journey of shifting the Shitake in our lives that has kept some of Stuck & Stagnant in Mind, Body, Spirit & Home Wellness for far too long.  We have a weekly group call, where we check in and deep dive a little more on ways to shift it through Mindset, Motivation and Movement with a lil more Play, Fun and Ease.  It has helped me shift so much it crazy and I’m thankful.

See you soon for the next 2...