Have you Fluffed up so many times you feel unworthy, unloved, disconnected and alone? Sometimes so much is going right and yet still all those things and feeling angry, Not good enough, don’t know where to turn. You may have beautiful loved ones in your life that just don’t know how to support or help. And when they or we do, it’s clumsy or even worse causes harm and you may too.
Even though they and we mean it with Love it shows up as Fear, Judgement, Ridicule and Not Good Enoughs. Btw the way our kids pick up that stuff too, in fact you may be even more like me and you’ve struggled with this since Middle School or earlier. You may have at times now or in the past had suicidal thoughts and tendencies, depression or even attempts, you're not alone. I’ve been there too many times.
In fact I wanted to end the pain and hurt, the feelings of worthlessness, failure, not good enough, damaged goods, not worthy of Life, Happiness & Abundance. The only thing your good at is service to others, doing what you're told not what you want, you only matter if you do the right things, Do, Do, Do, Put on a happy Face, Smile, Don’t show your emotions, don’t let anyone in, don’t trust anyone, they’re only out to get you, Fear, Anger, Rage, Belittling, Don’t Do that, You can’t do that, you’ll be in pain, the rest of your life will be full of pain inflammation and Dis-Ease, getting worse and worse over the years.
And the progression for me began around Middle School the Age my Daughter is now, my Dream Come True and a Big hint, She’s the Why behind my investing and deep diving into My Personal Development, Parenting classes, books while Healing me, Change Begins in Me.
By the time I hit Middle School to say my balloon was Full, ever expanding and leaking out on Everyone I love, would be an understatement. Btw, Side note, SoulShoppe out of Oakland it's a Workshop given at the Schools and where I learned the balloon reference. Kids and Adults don’t come with owner manuals, we are all doing the best we can and thankful for better outside resources today.
My suicidal thoughts, self harm and escapism began slowly and continued from then up until now this past Monday, June 7th, 2021, cause yet again I am human and make mistakes, I fluff up, we all do on Shitake. Thankful for the people, resources and tools I have in my life today as those thoughts are very few these days and if they come, they are fleeting thoughts today that are Released with Love, Compassion, Kindness, Grace and Forgiveness. Forgiveness & Gratitude have been keys for me.
The Self harm manifested in so many ways from fighting & lashing out to drugs and alcohol, overworking & overdoing for others, showing up in obligation rather than invitation, acting like a martyr, a know it all, the neener neener my whatever is better, talking shitake, hoarding and buying to fill the voids & pains, overstimulating, understimulating, pills, Dr’s, Dis-Ease, Inflammation, Ridicule & Judgement of self and others.
I’ve attempted and done so many things from my youth on, even getting so drunk when I was a new mom, I hoped & prayed I would run into the hill or off the cliff so Jazz could have a better life without me in it.
I thankfully and gratefully have had many beautiful human angels that sometimes gracefully or clumsily (and I too) and a higher power of my belief that I know today why it wasn’t meant to be.
Many may scoff at why I didn’t seek out more help and Dr’s. Oh I have from my Grandma when I was younger and throughout life, so many ways and times I’ve reached out. It makes my head spin and whirl from the experiences and Blessed by the Lessons, Thankful and Grateful today.
The Bottom line is I needed to truly learn How to Shift my own Shitake, even when others do harm, they and I really don’t mean to, sometimes we're just clumsy and ungraceful at it. Thankfully I have beautiful kids in my life so I can observe, learn and grow for me and hopefully for them too. Change Begins in Me.
In the next 2 parts, I’ll share a little more of what I’ve had to do for me and my family, so we could find more Inner Peace and Happiness, the Things in Life that are Priceless to us.
Thank you so much for Reading and if you’d love more support, check out my Free Private Facebook Group Hardcore & Heart Centered Caretaker Souls, where we support each other in being our best selves. Encouraging, Empowering while honoring Pauses as needed to make shifts for our own alignment and divine timing.
I’m also in the midst of revamping my low budget course on How to Shift your Shitake, Cause that’s the bottom line, I’d love to help guide & coach you on your journey of shifting the Shitake in our lives that has kept some of Stuck & Stagnant in Mind, Body, Spirit & Home Wellness for far too long. We have a weekly group call, where we check in and deep dive a little more on ways to shift it through Mindset, Motivation and Movement with a lil more Play, Fun and Ease. It has helped me shift so much it crazy and I’m thankful.
See you soon for the next 2...
This Design came from Noticing what we notice. Sometimes what I found in the journey of personal development and self care for myself and others is We get caught up in the Look Good Rather than the Deeper Feel Good. Any of us can put a Mask on and Show up acting like our life is Freaking Awesome & Perfect, like we have our Shitake together, that's Easy. Taking the Mask off and Being REAL, now that's where the Change Begins How many of us are done with Acting like life is all good when Reality is, we have Inner traumas and Demons we face everyday. Our team and tribe of Beautiful Artistic Souls are Ready to take the Masks off and GET Real so we CAN actually Live a Life that Feels and IS Awesome. It may not be Perfect and that's the Best part. It's Imperfectly imperfect, which makes it easier to try new things, look at those Beliefs that feel icky and Drop kick them to the trash if they don't feel good and have no purpose anymore.
So if you are Ready to stop Faking it til you make it and gain some REAL Shifts in your life as well. Grab your Masks off...Let's Get Real Tee today and make sure you join one of our groups on FB or IG to see how we can support each other on this journey. Did you know Personal Development & Self Help can Level up even more when we have Partners in Believing? If you'd Love the support in your journey, we are here and Ready to Rise. We love you, You are Enough and the Investments in YOU are Worth it.
Hello, Happy Aloha Friday, it’s a Better late than never Newsletter Week for me. I am honoring myself & the Present as much as possible today, before I move forward. Yesterday I got to enjoy Distance learning with D & Jazz, working and spent some time with Moms chatting & catching up. Very thankful for the moments and enjoying the Gifts for the Blessings they are, Priceless.
This gave me Pause to look back on this Design and where I was when I created it. I was Realizing, I am here for a Reason and need to get My Assets off the Sidelines in all areas of my Life. I laugh as I can hear the difference in How I say it to myself today compared to when I created it. I had begun Mindset work and yet I still Believed I needed the Drill Sergeant side of me to Yell & Force me off the Couch and back in the Game of Life, Yelling and Roaring to GO, GO, GO, ROARRRR, pushing, poking, prodding, grinding and forcing life. My apologies for all who Love me still after all the Icky Energy I was unknowingly gifting at that time. Today I know, that side of me had a time and place in the survival of my life and it’s what I knew, up until now. It had worked well to get me that far. Yet I still didn’t Feel Good inside about myself, my life, my family, my dream or any of those things.
In fact I was taking my Shitake out on everyone & everything around me, blaming everything else outside of me for how I felt inside of me. I LMAO at my beliefs then and I didn’t know. Today I am my own Best Friend and Cheerleader and it Feels so Much Better.
Change Begins in Me not outside of me, this is the Biggest Shift in Mindset, Motivation and Movement and Mind Opening for me. This Shift finally made me realize life isn’t happening to me, It’s happening around me & for me, for all of us. My Inner Peace, Joy & Happiness is My JOB as that is Ultimately the only thing I have Full and complete control of. I can only control how I show up everyday, everything else is out of my control. So unless there is something I can do in me to Shift the circumstance, it’s not my Shitake so let it be. I can only Shift my Shitake, no one else's and no one else can do it for me either. Thus, Shift your Shitake, Cause that’s the Bottom line. I choose what frequency and how I vibrate in at any given moment thus taking back my power to choose what, when, how and who gets my energy and power. How FREEing is that? For me that Shift has been Priceless. It’s my choice? Yes. I can Pause and take a moment to get back to my center? Yes. I don’t have to engage and rage to be seen & heard? No. I can Pause and ask myself questions about why I am Feeling this way about this situation? Yes. Is this from past trauma and beliefs? Is this a pattern? What’s the lesson I need to learn? Is this something that needs my Survival mode right now or is it a Stuck pattern I have hauled around with me for too long? In that Pause, I take my Power back, Heal & Learn what I need to and if it needs to be addressed, then I can show up in My Purple Love Vibration to see all the sides to the full situation (the Big Picture) to choose the Best possible solution and let it Go if there’s nothing I feel invited not obligated to do. I truly Love and Appreciate a Win Win life today, by honoring myself, the present and the Gift of Everyday to allow all the Freaking Awesome life has to offer as much as possible. It’s a work in progress as is the journey of life. Life isn’t about the Final Destination, it’s Truly about Riding the Waves and Enjoying the Ride as Much as possible in the Everyday. Life has ick, bumps, challenges and all the things And I have the Choice today on what I choose to focus my energy and power on. I love that I get to take the time to look back and acknowledge where I was and share the lessons with all of you. I love and appreciate you, all of you even if at times we are distant for whatever reasons, I truly hope you know how much I Love you and Desire the Best for you and your Best Life, each and every day.
To all the Moms (Fur, Guardians & Double Duties Included) I hope everyday is a celebration for the toughest, most thankless, demanding, no instructions job on the planet. Being in care of another’s life isn’t always easy and yet it can be the most fulfilling as well. Thank you, for all you do, all you are and all you walk through, Celebrate YOU this Weekend. What Would you LOVE…
