How do I keep moving forward when I feel like I Fluffed up so many times and so many things. I do my best for me and my family each and every day to be my best self. I’m not perfect by any means, in fact I’ve been a hot mess most my life let’s keep it real. And We are always more...
I needed to take a Step back and take a pause to realign with myself as, No matter how much work and Woosah I do there’s always more to love and grow through. Even when I do all the things Right, call in ancestors, meditate, Woosah in a Bottle, I’m Human and make mistakes, we all are. I’m a Work in progress. There's no pill or quick fix, to heal, it’s a process, Change Begins in Me, I’m not perfect.
When I ask for help which for me is New and was the hardest thing for me to do, up until now. In the past it hadn’t been well received or given, way too much bickering and judgement rather than love, kindness and grace and I did it too.
I had to retreat and Pause to Begin to heal and reveal myself for me. I know on FB & Social media I talk about the Positives and some of the work. It takes a lot for some of us to change & shift all the Negative thoughts & Belief patterns and Self Talk. Why I don’t go out or Bring my family out to many places is because I’m not there yet. Some may not understand and that’s okay, I didn’t either.
To Break Cycles of Negative Self Talk we had to stop speaking ill will to, towards or about each other in our home and most importantly ourselves, I’m perfectly Imperfect, we all are. When we began removing the important toxic chemicals in our life, it began the next steps of shifting other toxic areas of my life.
It’s been a lot of work to get here and today it’s important to keep my inner peace, even if some may not agree, it’s okay. Thank you, I have more to Heal in me. I can be Sensitive and pick up Negativity at times even with a Hazmat suit, Jazz and Tam do too. We feel it and hear it in the tones & vibrations and notice it in us at times too, the passive aggressive, snide, hurtful, harmful and way harsh comments, speaking death rather than life and We can say them at times too, up until now as we are getting better & better at noticing.
And let’s get Really Real I when the straw breaks it unlocks and unleashes a Raging Beast and all the Shame, guilt, Feeling Broken, Worthless, Good for nothing except what you Do, just a Mean Person trying to harm & hurt everyone around you, your crazy, why do you even live, your nothing, nobody loves or even likes you, you should die, you should do everyone a favor and off yourself, Jazz & Tam and your fam would be better off without you and all the Not Enoughs, the Darkness Creeps back in.
So NO, I and my family do our best to speak more love & life about each other and our lives. If we do have Big Emotions and Feelings we take a pause to Shift it. We are Worth more than continuing the cycles of Harm & Hurt.
We ALL are, we need to honor ourselves and our worth as Humans, Kind Humans, a lil more, starting with ourselves and including Me. We Love everyone we meet with Good Vibes, because of My survival mode and my past experiences. I still protect my instincts on some things, I’m clearing them one by one.
I too many times have shown up to family chosen and blood gatherings to DO the Right Thing, Show up for Family, it’s the Right thing, Family is Everything, Oh get over yourself, you’re too much, O Crystal it’s not that bad, you’re just being a Drama Queen and all the things I’ve heard, said and been at times.
So I show up, with my tools for me, feeling uneasy yet good about it, semi hopeful, sometimes even asking for help and sometimes forgetting to shift my mindset first to make sure I forgive myself and others first, before I show up. And Rather than loving open welcoming arms, I/We are yet again met with harms & hurts, under-breath comments, passive aggressive sarcastic remarks, jabs, pokes, prods because we still haven’t revealed or healed past hurts. Some may think it’s funny and I kinda did too at a time. Now I say Ouch, Ouch, Ouch to the best of my abilities at the time.
Each Day I do my Best, I’m far from perfect, everyday is anew to do Better. I do my best everyday to speak, hear and feel Love for myself and Family. There are Positive messages all over my house, phone, on my pc’s for a Reason.